I don’t remember how I got home last night
I woke up hungover
Last night was a blur
Drank too much
Head still pounding I take a shower
Removing the smell of her sweet perfume
Washing away the evidence
Aspirin won’t remedy
I want this stench off me
Scrub off stains left by red hands
Never feel clean
This morning I don’t recognize my reflection
Hope nobody notices
I don’t want to explain
What I don’t want to remember
I was watching her dance all night
I don’t even remember seeing him
She turned my way and gave me this look
The room was spinning
She grabbed my arm
Intoxicated I lost my ability to stand
I swept her off her feet like Prince Charming
I started to feel sick
She said “take me to bed,”
so of course I obliged
What happened next is so hard to remember
A nightmare I relive every time I sleep on my side
A drunken hook up at a house party
I couldn’t believe she wanted me
it all happened so fast
In the darkness
Pants pulled to my ankles
Unknown hands invading me from behind
Plucking clothes off like flower petals
She loves me, she loves me not
I wonder what makes a corpse look sexy
She looked like Sleeping Beauty
My stiff body reacts like rigor mortis
She want me to do all the work
and I’m ready for the challenge
She wants it so bad
Too drunk to move
Too drunk to ask…
Words muffled by the silence of ecstasy
“No, don’t stop!”
We slip into bliss
Into full body relief
He’s taken everything from me
I’m giving her all that I have
Shhh….I hold her still
He holds me down
I make a canvas of her
Painting my passion across her hollow frame
Muffled by pillows
She might love me….
I can hear her heart beat
This experience is out of body
Helplessness burned so hard into memory
When it’s over I feel kind of bad…
I don’t even remember her name
Assault changes everything
Women can get the wrong idea
My body is no longer mine but a possession
It was a one night stand
at the end of one of those long work weeks…
Should I have expected it?
…and some girls you’re only meant to
have incredible chemistry with once
I thought all rapes were committed
in dark alleys by strangers
I had been in a dry spell
Can I admit what happened?
She came at the perfect one…no pun intended
He punched a hole in me
I came, I saw, I conquered
A temple desecrated
A few moments of feeling loved followed by
the comforting monotony of being single again
Trying to forget.
Afraid to tell anyone for fear they will say
I asked for it
We danced a long dance
Like a physical contract
Does this “nice guy” realize
the damage he’s done?
I just hope she doesn’t bad mouth me
for not calling
Ignorance is no excuse for violation
My dignity was destroyed in a single act of dominance
Hey! That is bullshit!
He kidnapped beauty as a trophy of conquest
I never took anything! You gave it to me!
Lacerated vaginal tissue
I thought you liked it rough!
Violent examples of power
hidden under blankets of darkness.
You raped me!
Hey, I didn’t do anything wrong!
And I know what the definition of rape is.